If you’re going to rob someone – whether it be a house, a purse off the side of the street, or perhaps a store – then you probably want to be as discreet as possible when you do. One bloke thought he was smarter than the local police department in Kent.

John Stevens, 25, decided to pull off the score of his lifetime by breaking into the Rumwood Cricket Club in Maidstone, Kent. He stole a grand total of three cricket balls and a single handbag.

John, unsatisfied with his score, decided to immortalize himself during his little crime wave. He took a black marker pen and scribbled ‘Can’t Catch Me’ on the wall of the rugby club. He then helped himself to some squash in a glass before leaving.

Thankfully, police managed to pull his prints and DNA from the pen and the glass tumbler, as he left both of them behind. John didn’t want to confess, though, so he told the arresting officers that he had simply needed a ‘therapeutic late-night walk’. He did say, however, that his biggest crime had been pouring the glass of squash.

Stevens is currently being held on a £120 fine, a £180 criminal courts charge, and a £20 victim surcharge. He has also been ordered to complete a six-month community order.