Breaking up is hard to do, but it doesn’t have to be and it can have benefits. One of those benefits is having a ‘gap year’ from relationships, which will not only be better for you in the long run, but also for your next partner. Here are some tips for self-discipline to get you through the hard times, and how to really enjoy your life on your own until your true soul mate comes along.
Sure, you can do the whole “let’s still be friends” thing, but most of the time it doesn’t work. It’s best to cut contact completely. The easiest way to avoid temptation to contact your ex is to immediately delete their contact details. Keep their number written down in case of any emergencies, but put it in a drawer or notebook where you don’t look very often. Deleting their number from your phone will avoid any awkward drunken 2am texts, and also bring home the point that they are no longer part of your every day life. Same goes for social media – you don’t have to avoid going onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn because you’re afraid you’ll cross virtual paths or feel the desire to have a quick online stalk. Go straight into your settings and block them, plus any of their family members and friends who you didn’t like and are glad to be rid of!
Whenever you feel that twinge of missing them or wanting to contact them, write a list as to why it’s better that they’re no longer in your life. Keep the list on your phone, or in a notebook you carry around, so that you can access it whenever you need to, and add to it whenever the twinge strikes again. Jot down anything that annoyed you about them, or any other reason not to miss them, to remind yourself that it’s for the best. Anything from “You never supported me when your parents were mean to me” or “You always picked what was for dinner and never asked me.” You’ll know you’re moving forward when you stop adding to it. Keep it handy for a few years, especially when you start a new relationship, to remind yourself of what’s important to you.
Imagine using a broken arm before you’re ready to – you would put yourself in agonizing pain and make the healing process longer. It’s the same with your heart and your soul. Don’t be afraid of being alone, taking some time out for yourself is beneficial in the long run and will make your next relationship (when you’re ready) much healthier too. So no dating, don’t jump into another relationship straight away, and give yourself a break from sex so that you can appreciate it more in a healthier relationship down the track. Don’t worry, it won’t be forever, and you’ll be thanking yourself later for taking the time out. This time is for for you, no-one else.
A break up is a great way to gauge who your true friends are, and also which of your family members are truly family! Get rid of the people who clearly aren’t supporting you or care about you, or who were more his friends than yours – quality is better than quantity! Then spend time reconnecting with them, showing you appreciate their friendship, and making stronger bonds. We often get so involved in our relationships that we put our friends and family on the edge of our lives, so this is the time to make up for it and be a better friend. Remember, though, not to spend too much time moaning about your break up, it’s okay for a couple of months, but can’t go on forever – that can stretch any friendship!