Living in France will do funny things to your brain. Whilst we may daydream about the ways the foreign locals will lap up the niche nationalistic traits that we were born with, the reality of living in France is somewhat different. The things that we consider the grounding stones of our very being will start to erode away and leave behind something a little, well, odd. Becoming an expat in France is like joining a niche set of the Illuminati and unless you’re aware of these huge, life altering changes that will behold you when you move, you might consider not going at all. Read on and go ahead with caution, traveler.
Okay, so we all know the French have some of the best bread, but one thing we don’t think about is how we will cope when we come back home to visit. Waking up in the morning without the purpose of buying a fresh baguette will do weird things to your head and pretty soon, it will be all but impossible to go on. Don’t underestimate the hold that fresh, crackly bread will have on your ability to function in the world.
You know that thing that people do when they are waiting for, say, a bus, or a barista’s service? Yeah, don’t do that in France. Queueing is for the meek and the weak minded. Whilst it might take a few uncomfortable experiences to get into the habit, you will soon be not-queuing like a pro.
At home, words and fully formed sentences are a great and sure fire way of getting people to understand what you want. In France, you can forgo all of this in favor of the well-timed “uhhhhh” or “ehhhhh”. Don’t speak French? Don’t worry! we have heard some conversations founded entirely on the subtle shifts in these guttural noises. Now get mooing, you don’t want people to think that you’re rude.