If there’s anything the human race could take away from our experience with Mother Nature, then it’s the fact that she’s extremely deceptive. Imagine this – you’re frolicking around the jungle, petting anything and everything even remotely cute enough to pet when you spot a beautifully fuzzy squirrel-tailed critter that could only have been created for tourists to snuggle with. Being an innocently jolly human being that you are, you pick the cute bugger up while it’s looking at you with its giant eyes. When BAM! The gremlin scratches your thumb, leaps off of you and screeches away deep into the bushes. Huh, that was weird, wasn’t it? Oh well, – you think – time to get a move on. When your thumb falls right off. You stop in disbelief, take a look at your arm and see your skin and tissue melting away. That’s pretty much what you can expect if you touch wild (and some domestic) animals. Actually, not quite – but as you’ll see soon, the truth isn’t that far away, either.
What you’re looking at here is a natural-born killer. Hell, I doubt the person who took this photo survived long enough to take a look at it, with the ‘pounce-pose’ that loris has adopted. Slow lorises are a slowly-moving, puffy lot. With their large eyes, tube-ish body and what seems to be a relatively clumsy movement pattern, one would never think these creatures could kill a grown man. However, this adorable mammal secretes toxins that can cause severe anaphylactic shock. Excreted from the glands on its arms, the toxin earns its debilitating qualities upon being mixed with saliva. So… yeah, the slow loris can kill you by licking its arms and letting you touch it. The creature is an omnivore, catching and devouring small animals easily even though it moves slowly and deliberately. He’s like the creepy cousin of an average chimpanzee that sneaks around, drinks loads of coffee and eats bugs off of the floor.
This is what happens when geneticists get drunk while mixing genes. With the body of a plump otter and the beak of a slightly retarded duck, the platypus looks like a stupid, albeit adorable creature that needs help with moving around at the best of times. The reality is vastly different however, with these Australian (of course) mammals being a fast and resilient predatory species. Its feeding habits are best described by using the word ‘evil’, since they catch their water-breeding food (shrimp, crayfish and such) and also drag them to the surface where they can’t properly breathe. If you’re wondering how can this shmuck damage your leathery exoskeleton, just remember the fact that the platypus is indigenous to Australia and you’re good to go. It’s toxins, again – but these can’t really kill you. Oh no, the platypus toxin will only make you feel excruciating pain for weeks on end. Only.